Category: Everything

I asked Joy:

Why it happens that the relationship you had with someone that felt so superb, so deep, and so intense, just turns into a piece of shit that you cant carry along anymore??

He replied:

That’s life, sweetheart! Maturity is to learn to live with things that we can’t change!

I hate Valentine’s.

I dont know why. Its funny to celebrate just one day of the year for love. Secondary thought could be, i’ve somehow cease to believe in the hollow show off of love. You dont need to buy gifts, or send cards on a particular day to show how much you care. Its spontaneous. Like last night when Joy called up, he was so drunk, so drunk that he didnt make any sense of whatsoever he was speaking. He’s a lawyer, he’s always sure of what he is speaking untill the time he’s drunk. He would just babble, completely. And he ended up saying that, he might just never thought to have another child for rest of his life, cause he knows how jealous i could be. It was melodrama, as much as i say i hate it, it brought me to tears. It was pure, it was not affected by any ‘expectations’ that any boy friend of mine would have, so that i can doubt. It was superb. Like the first time he held me close in his arms, and i felt like i was just a ten yr old again. Forgetting everything else, just being a spoiled naughty kid of his. But he is not around here anymore, We had a very short time to ourselves.

Anyways, done with the sad stories of my life, i had an over all okay day. One old School friend surprized me, by coming to my house and waking me up, though it was twelve in noon when he woke me up:P. This fracture and bed rest has completely fucked up my schedules, have been converted into an owl of sort i guess. insomnia never ceases to leave me.

But he came, and changed it all. When i met him, we had the same spark that we had seen in each other’s eyes while creating pranks with others of our school. We had lost in touch afterwards, but he came back. He was changed, i was changed, but the reflection of emotions in his eyes, were just the same.

It reminded me the song that we used to listen to, together, knowing that someday we’ll be together again, and will sing this song with just the remains of our childhood puppy affairs…

This is where i belong… BoyZone.

Here i stand in the northern rain
And i can’t believe i’m home again
And i can’t believe how nothing’s changed
I’m finding my way

Old park bench where i carved my name
But now it doesn’t stand alone
Cause now the trees have over grown
Many a road that I’ve traveled
That’s led me a stray
Here’s where my heart’s gonna stay

This is where i belong
This is where i come from
No need to shed my tears
Or face my fears anymore
So i won’t walk alone
Taking things on my own
All of the lands i’ve roamed
Memories of my home
They keep beating strong
….Cause this is where i belong!!

The week was totally unforgettable for me, cause i was with Joy, Almost 20 hours a day. Last Week Of Dec was the one i never had before, in my entire life, I was meeting him… finally!!

Let me Share Who Joy is, Joy is the friend, philosopher, guide, family, and mentor for me. He’s 10 yrs elder than me, He’s the brother that i never had, he’s the father that i will never have! Spooky, of course. But he means a lot to me.

We are from different corners of India, He from East (Kolkata) And Me from West(Ahmadabad). We’ve lived in different cultures, still we are same, at least that’s what he thinks :P.

Though we have met on the medium of net, we’ve kept our touch more offline than online… We’ve been quite close from almost a year now. This Post is the tribute to the Year i spent with him. This February 9th, was the first time that we talked to each other private, even though we had known each other as members of a same yahoo group from year or so.

Sighs!! And then it begun. We exchanged numbers and addresses eventually. Writing each other letters, and calling each other when schedules let us. We’ve gone through much, We have had throughout the night talks, we have had our fights, even we curse each other all the time. Still he is the most loved person of my life, as much as i love my dad, i love him. He’s the one i can just call up in middle of the night, and whine about how things in life aren’t going the way i want them to, or to just curse the one i’m dating right now and how i seem to always fall for the WRONG one!!

In short, I love him. For who he is, for who he is to me. And this is to Thank Him, to tell him that no matter what, we’ll always be there for each other!

A – Age: 22
B – Best Friends: My self
C – Car I Most want to Own: Land cruiser
D – Dad’s name: Manoj
E – Easiest person to talk to: Nemesis
F – Favorite Vacation Spot: Iceland
G – G-Spot: Lol! have one in brain too! 😛
H – Hometown: Ahmedabad, Gujrat, India
I – Intolerable: Fakes and Liars
J – Job title: Professional Evil Villain.. muhahah!
K – Kids: none yet. Want a few some day!
L – Last Book Read that I REALLY Liked: Veronika Decides to Die (Paulo coelho)
M – Mom’s name: Aarti(Aruna)
N – Number of siblings: Two sisters.
O – Oldest sibling: My elder sis ~ Ami
P – Phobia[s]: Water
Q – Quote you like: My beginning is the beginning of my end
R – Retirement Dream Home: Iceland again
S – Song you immediately turn louder when it comes on the radio: My vision – Jakatta feat Seal
T – Time you wake up: late mornings or when i am not forced awake by an Alarm clock
U – Unknown fact about me: hmmm. I am a Vampire
V – Vegetable you hate: Brinjal.
W – Worst habit: physical Destruction when I’m angry
X – X-rated film star you want to do: 🙁 Only if i knew any
Y – Yummy food: Italian
Z – Zodiac sign: Virgo

I unexpectedly open my eyes with a start this morning; in fact by some means I’ve felt him looking at me. My qualms get confirmed, as his angelic face is so close to me, watching me as he is lying by my side. Nearly staring.. Intense. I fall short to portray the strength. He has locked my eyes to his; the gaze is strapping and pulling. There is a mix bag of emotions in his stare; it’s a amalgamation of love, lust, desire, struggle and sovereignty. I feel it scuttle through me with his warm exhale of breath, pouring himself, his vigor into my entire being… we remain looking at each other and there is no need for physical contact. His eyes touch my psyche, struggling so frantically that I can’t help setting him free. He is the ‘just-right’ man of my life. So far he has survived with my imperfections, harmonizing it, so shall I. he senses it and beams, vanishing away leisurely into the haze. He has touched my soul right through; he has felt the affection, even the freeze of it. And now he is dragging his hand away from me.. Leaving a exposed vulnerability from where I allow him within. It crushes me but I will have to be daring enough to tolerate. I see him fading more, almost translucent, turning into ashen fog watched by my eyes. And I possibly will just lie there and observe. There isn’t any way I could imprison and seize the fog. He is bound yet free. His freedom is precious to him, and strangely enough it’s essential to me too. He has held onto it from a long time.. But he does comprehend that at the bottom of his heart, his liberty is mine too. May be someday I will claim it, someday he will be my strong brave knight and surrender it up to me….