Author: ektz

.. I had to let him go.

… And I shall miss him dearly.

He was there all the way through past four years along with me. We shared more or less everything, from each gossip of my girl friends to each of the thousand prank calls I made. From each laughter, to each tear; from each smile, to each fear; He always remained by my side. But after a while, you somehow know it in your heart, that it’s not worth it, so many troubles are generating cause of him. Its not that it never happened before, trouble that is. But I always fought back, till the end, cause I had a hope it will work out. But now, I’ve even lost optimism.

He is an icon of my past, The Icon of magnificence and catastrophe. He was for Fun as well as Fuck-up, Merry as well as Mess. And I think I’ve have left him for good. In a hope that with leaving him, I’m also leaving my past to be buried in shadows.

… So here it goes. A tribute, an accolade to the years that I shared with him…. With my old companion… My much-loved Airtel Cell Number!!

… I shall miss you.

[… Uh oh… where did I put tissues… I will need them the most right now…]

Ps. I’m still fighting the urge to just run and grab him back, before it expires and worse, given to someone else…

Oh, life is getting busier as i’ve started getting back on my normal track of life. The normal routines. But i do steal time here n there to do my own stuff, and enjoy!

.. and so yeah, Monday night was so so SOOOO good. I mean think about it, after a stressful day, i spent my evening with all of my favorite things. Nothing can be compared to that. I fairly believe its the most precious of all the feelings.

The things that made my evening, were, first a Cheese Cake!! No one can deny that cheese cake is salvation. of course it comes after Chocolate cake. But still it is. And then a big fluffy couch to land onto, so then you can watch your favorite sitcoms on “star world” with heavenly comfort, well, i really doubt if anyone ever need anything more!! But ten minutes passes, and He calls. ‘HE’ is my close friend, Pranav, my best friend. Anyways he tells me that he is coming to my home, and i realize i need something more to make the evening merrier, I need my lovely best friend to be there, to fight with me for silly things. And yes, i do have a list of silly things that we usually fight for. After he arrived, We fought over who is going to get another spoon for him to eat the cheese cake!! Hell, i’m not going to do that, if i get a spoon he will eat my cake!!! I dont belive in ‘sharing’ at times like this, i belive in selfishly having all to my self. So yeah, he then uses his last weapon, that he will use his hands if not spoon for the cake!! And trust me, this is NOT the time and the place where you want your men to use his hands!!!! So yeah, defeated for a moment, i get up and get him the spoon. When i come back, i see him stretched on MY couch now, grinning ear to ear. He has crossed the limits of my bearing now. I’m known as GARFIELD in this matters. None, NO-ONE can put a finger let alone sleep on my couch when i’m there! So yeah, i push him off, he doesnt budge. We keep on wrestling, and after sometime i come to a conclusion. I step in, over the couch and push him aside so that i can lay with him. He smilingly devilish welcomes me with an open arm and a spoon in another for my cake!!

… well everything’s well when end’s well, right??

.. Night… Half moon… Am standing at a bay… in front of an ocean water… or rather jello water… as thick as honey … in fact crimson in color … spreading wide under the horizon as far as i can stretch my sight… thick fog is layering over the surface… Fighting the urge… to jump in…Eventually i give in… Dive straight deep in… Strange… I don’t surface up normally… floating in middle… breathing’s normal… Everything is still as long as I stay calm… I move… the water turns in quicksand… pushes me deeper in… Fighting the urge again… to panic… seems there is no way out… can not try to swim… just float half way… no sounds… nothing… feel like I’ve gone deaf… blind… cut off from everything… panic sets in… closes my eyes… darkness enveloping… no time… no space… everything is bliss….

…. I wake up, Call my friend as its early morning, And he laughs after listening to the dream, saying, “Ekta, probably you’ve forgotten, You’re Hydrophobic!!”

PS. On a very lighter note: Tonight I’ll be watching out on TV for a person I have a HUGE crush on!!! Sure Sure, am going to say the name here, Its Vir Das. He’s a Delhite Theater Artist and a Stand-up comedian. He of course looks adorable and he has something that I love in a guy. Manners with Intelligence. Means a man who is a combination of macho and metro sexual. I would love to date him someday, if I get a chance. I hope some miraculous thing happens and I get his phone number, or even better if he calls me!!! [Somebody…. get me his number… and… umm.. Mr. Vir Das, just in case if you are reading this…. CALL ME!!! Grins. ]

PS of the PS. I’ve started walking normally again with no support at all!. Now no bed rest anymore! Of course I’ve to be quite cautious about WHERE i walk, but over all, its one hell of a GREAT thing!! Yaaay!!!!!

My condition these days is completely like… “Aasmaan se tapke, Khajuur pe Atke!!” I mean, its funny how murphy seems to prove his law true for everything i go through and make me remember him again and again! and i repeat, its actually funny!

Well, its a usual blabbering, about my Accident. To be truthful, If i were to be an optimistic person i would have seen good things in that as well, but somehow, i just end up defying my own self, when it comes to the thinking of both the sides.Okay, now i better stop running in circle around the original subject and directly get to the center of the matter. Fortunately enough, a week ago, my physiotherapy reached the level where i was told, i could start walking then on. Of course with a little support. Gawd, i was damn glad about that, it literally took half of the sensations of pain away from the bloody physio exercises! And thats where the trouble started!

Let me elaborate, I , Miss Ekta, after burning my previous physiotherapist-Mr. Raval ‘s work and also the skin at the back of his hand [..no detailing of that horrible yet almost planned ‘accident’ during the hotwax therapy here!! ] got in touch with a new physiotherapist. That one turned out to be a female for her own safety from me[… muhhahahaa!!], and twice lucky cause she shared the same name with my special someone, and let me tell you, that name isnt that usual in INDIA even though its unisex. So yeah, i kinda developed a soft corner for her. Then we began with the walking exercises. of course, Heavily painful stuff. I was overall calm, somehow i think i am good at bearing physical pain, may be cause of my past experiences & martial arts, or may be cause of the silly ego of being the strong one. Anyway, the conclusion was that i would sweat up like hell due to pain, while going through the exercise, but i wouldnt make a sound, no more than a moan here and there. So it got hard for her to actually draw a line where the pain got too much for me. Unfortunately, The more she tried to notice my reactions, the more i would be alert not to let a single sound escape my lips!!

Then After almost three days, she realised i was having a kind of lump within my heel, which wasn’t melting with the hotwax techniques and other lossening up exercises. She asked me how much it pained, i honestly replied it was painful but not over my limits of absorbing. She smiled at my answer, and told me that she really didnt expect me to be too stoic about it. I was the one to get shocked on her comment. She went on talking to me, taking me for an X-ray again. The X-ray results gave another shock to both of us, I was developing a stress fracture inside my heel. Probably due to the overload of exercises after the two months of stiffness. Then, I was asked not to do the heavy exercises, just the mild ones for the time being, so that it doesnt get too serious. Oh well, there goes my chances of walking in nearfuture goes away! I’m to wait for few days, then gradually go along! Heck, i’ve got a state level public speaking contest to win within a week from now, and i am not allowed to walk yet!!

Okay, now as if the stress fracture and the delays in the walking is not worse enough, I was to be apt for more! That X-ray gave another complication to doctors! They noticed that after the sweeling has been returning to normal, the thickness of the nails-wires planted in my sole covers almost 85% percent of the whole thickness. The twister is that, with that much thickness it could be easily tempered by outside sources of force in any possible way. Like a fall or an accident again [god, i hope not!] or even a barefeet walk over a road with stones. If that happens then the planted nail would be more a danger for the foot! Now as it was planted just for the sake of keeping all the bones straight for better healing, its purpose is almost served as bones are almost healed normal. Now the docs think that i should go for another surgery, to take the implants out as there is no need for the implants anymore. Bloody boring ordeal again! Bed rest, no walk and terrible headaches cause of the anesthesia!

What more could i ask for?!! Sighs! I hope Mr Murphy is happy atleast!!
Oh, and i’m actually glad i’m a pessimist! For a pessimist is never disappointed.

Below are the things …. that I’ve never done before, but now i want to do them… may be in this year…. or at least once before i die… [ This questionnaire was given by a good friend, and i think it can make a very good post 😛 ]

I want….

[Place:]

… to see Iceland, in winter, and feel the snow all around… enveloping me and probably my special someone, who would hold me in those precious moments

…. to move out of my house, live on my own, away from my parents. Though the thing that keeps me here is the strong emotional bond that i share with my father. Of course , the strong fights with my mother over different ways of living life can outweigh it at times!!

… to have a road trip alone, all the way from Ahmedabad to Kolkata. In my favorite car, Tata Sierra.

[People:]

… to go to my native and meet my childhood friends that I’ve been neglecting from a long time, for a silly reason such as they used to hate me, cause i used to trouble them a lot!

… to live 24/7 enjoying the small things of life, seeing things from a different prospective as a roommate/housemate with a certain individual i absolutely adore, who comes second after Ms Ally macbeal, The one and the only… Reshma Sanyal ( … Dear Reshma, don’t mind, just being dead honest!)

… to get married, that also arranged by my parents. ( here I’ve surprised my self even more than the last one!! Marry and me? that even Arranged??? Friends, I’ve officially lost it!!!)

[Food:]

… to eat sea-food[prawns], even though i think it would make me want to puke at the thought of it!!

… to have a biiiiiiiiiig refridgerator full of chocolates… and eat them too!! [mmmmmm… do i need say anything more…]

… to prepare a gujarati dish called, “Khandvi” ,[Gosh! its really tough! five times I’ve tried, always failed!!]

[Hobbies:]

… to actually Paint a whole Designed Sari with Fabric colors, or at least Finish the one that i’d already started months back and had put it, up the shelves![ somebody… help me!!]

… to learn playing Orchestra(drums). [well! am already good with sticks, just the music that it creates, isn’t advisable for ears!! My neighbor’s dog constantly runs in circles for hours after listening to it!!]

… to write a book, “How to read fast : 100 pages a day!”

Lol. More than enough ‘Serious’ thoughts for the day i think.
No pun! Just Fun!!

Now this was something that i enjoyed a few evenings back!!

The Blog Quiz Of Anbu

Oh yeah, i got stuck in the second GK question, so no prize or no Chance to Attempt the ‘SuperSawal’ But hey none the less i enjoyed it. To read more about it, go to his blog, afterall its his copyright material :P:P But anyway, I must say He is damn sweet when it comes to giving hints 😛 Thanks Anbu, for making my evening more cheerful. Talk to you again sometimes, And this time i’ll be asking the questions.. *BIG GRIN*

I had a nice talk with Joy about stuff that was bothering me, better i should say i whined, absulotely usual stuff. About the past, present painful physiotherapy and damned future. And he just ‘hmm’ed the whole time, cause while the time i was whining he was in a legal conference. But he didnt cut me off rightaway, Now isn’t that so sweet of him. before i could ‘awww’ over his recent deed, being the prick that he is, tells me go to hell, and actually mean it too. And we both know that, after putting the phone down, we both will have a big grin over our faces.*laugh*

Later that night, when i was sleeping, he sent me a txt msg, a very meaningful one, as cause he hasnt been around me for some time now, busy with his own work and all.

“There might be times when you wont find me by yourside, and those actually would be the times when i would be making plans to screw your happiness.*Grin* ”

Now, Don’t you think, To be given a challenge/fight is the most adrenaline rush for anyone??

Ekta.

ps. This might be a last post for a while, a week or more may be, some problem with my postpaid connection’s billing procedures. Of course it affects my getting online, as data cable and the Cell ISP is the way i get online. Anyway, Will be back soon. Ciao.

Can you trust a person you’ve met right away??
Or let me change the format of the question,
How long do you think does it take for you to trust someone??

That was supposed to be a query that I was going to inquire my self, but now I have come down to just make it civic and blog it out. I believe that the answer to it is personal and it depends on particulars, which vary for each individual, so I’m in point of fact inquisitive to know everyone’s observation. What I mean by that question is, when you get to identify a name for the first time, and then you develop adequate imminence to share hush-hush that you’ve not shared with regular acquaintances. How long does it take for you, to take that leap from the first step of the ladder to the last step?

More often than not people will say that they will give it a time, to know the other one better. But the majority of the time what a person in fact does is to keep him on lookout all the time. Like a comrade of mine says, not to commit a gaffe of trusting people too much too soon.

But what it means to be early, or for that matter the-right-time to be open and be your self??!! In many cases, it has occurred paradoxically that after years you establish the trust on someone and he/she might contravene your trust. I’m not discussing about exceptions… its merely a subject of perception rather. You perceive that ‘then’ is the correct time to be intimate, so you go along, then you might get hurt cause it has led you to unlike finale then what you had expected. So from then on, for next time you become slight ‘more’ cautious and slight less trusting than before! The cynic cycle never ends. Of course, it’s a multifaceted human nature… and everyone perform in dissimilar approach. But Again, If you don’t open up and continue to remain distant, then you may never know if you could ever trust him/her, as you are just so wrapped up keeping yourself away from the probable injure. If I have to be downright rational, I would say, if one day or another you ARE going to take the plunge to see where its going to escort you, then why not right then?

Its a different matter altogether if you do not see your relation going that way, you may just very well remain courteous friends throughout your lives. But if you do seek ‘some’ future of that camaraderie, you are to risk things later, if not right then. So what’s the point of entire getting-into-it-step-by-step-being-too-insecure-to-trust? To me it seems like unrealistic, impractical waste of time.

If I were to be in a position like that, I would definitely go with intuition. I strongly believe that, what you feel is right for you, is exactly what is right for you. You feel positive about something, you go on. If you don’t, then you make a U turn. That’s as easy as we can make it. Of course opinions vary.. and brickbats are more than welcome. : D

The point of the post is, I’ve just been in the same place of being introduced to somebody. Its been somewhere around 24 hours and we’ve spent most of them conversing with interest, and I’ve of course acted with my intuition. But anyhow, the Question still remains unanswered…