Courage

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General wisdom say “Courage” is something you have.

I’ve come to learn otherwise.

Courage is something you cultivate. You do.

Its a choice. Choice to confront your pain, agony, fear, discomfort, etc.

If you think that doing what scares you will make you never feel the fear again, You’d be disappointed.

You’ll feel the fear everytime. It never really goes away. You’ll learn that there will always be the sharp pain of fear, the thrill of butterflies in stomach. But you’ll also learn to accept that as long as you keep putting one foot infront of other, you will conquer it, because you have already done that in past.

I learnt swimming this year. I had a debilitating fear of water before that. I can’t say its all gone. I still feel it everytime I step into the pool. It’ll always be there. But it doesn’t hold me back anymore. my brain reminds itself that we have done this before. we have confronted this fear and came out better at the other end.

I’m experiencing it again these days with my fear of driving in Fog. I first discovered my extreme fear 4 years back when I shifted to this city which is prone to dense fogs in every winter. I have had panic attacks getting out on the road alone in fog and gotten so nervous that I drove back home every time.

From last 2 days the fog is here again. Early mornings and Late nights. But this year, its different for me. I have chosen to confront it. I have gone out, driving. And its such an exhilaration to be able to do it. I feel the sharp twisting of my innards every time I take out the car in fog, but it’s not reaching the stage of panic attack.

I’m taking it one step at a time. One foot in front of the other. And it’s working.

Doesn’t make it any easier, But its no longer impossible.

Here’s to little victories this new year. 🙂

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