Moonlight glittered silver on the trees. Each leaf was defined in acid iridescence. The full round face of the moon peeked through the oval leaves and into gray eyes. Eyelids fringed with thick black lashes momentarily eclipsed the gray eyes, smoky like quartz. The lashes brushed against cheeks smudged with the remnants of the night’s mascara. The cheeks were tickled by wisps of black flair. The hair was swept back and held by spidery hands with sanguine nails. The corner of the right pinkie fingernail rested in the bend of the full red mouth. The full red mouth parted slightly to reveal strong sharp white teeth. The teeth were eased apart and full-throated laughter rang out of the mouth. The laughter carried down into the city tar below and a man awoke, startled, in his bed.

He sat up in the dark, clutching the thin bed sheet to his chest as if it could offer some protection against the dream that woke him. Cold rivulets of sweat ran down his forehead over his cheek to his chin to drip onto the powerless sheet. He glanced from side to side to see if he were alone. Yes, he was.

In the blue-defined room, the moon shone in and made patterns on his white sheet front the leaves on the tree outside his window. The vision of a pale red-lipped lover hovered over him. He shook his head to clear it, spraying sweat drops onto the pristine sheets. He never could get back to sleep after having a dream that vivid. He decided to take a walk.

She watched as the tall sleek man walked out of his house. She thought about how it would feel to run her fingers through his long brown hair. She thought about all of the life coursing through his veins, and how it could all be hers. But this was a fine specimen of a human, maybe she would keep him around for a while. She waited under her tree and twirled around, letting her long black skirts swish about her booted ankles. She could see him, now, a block away.

He couldn’t believe what he was seeing, his phantom lover come to life. He ambled over to her tree and tried to think of something clever to say. He managed a “hi”. That was all he could think of besides her. She eclipsed his reality, was eternity incarnate.

She smiled at him and removed the need for conversation by kissing him passionately. He felt a sharp pain in his tongue, but then she began licking it gently, and all of the hurt vanished. As she moved from his mouth to his neck, all he could think about was how he wanted to belong to her forever.

She sighed. She longed for the man who could resist her. What good was a willing food source for a companion? Didn’t anyone try to resist a blood-sucker vampire anymore?

More and more recently, victims welcomed her advances if they didn’t actually invite her in the first place. She was sad to see such a sweet face fall by the wayside, but she was searching for a mate, an equal, and he was not it. She stroked his hair gently, it was indeed as soft as she had hoped, and as he murmured, “I love you,’ she bit into the tender flesh of his neck. He didn’t struggle, but happily abandoned himself to the pleasurable vortex that she hurled him into with her last kiss. As she set his body beneath the tree and stepped away, she had regret. She wished she had made love to him while he was alive.

But then again, death and sex are not mutually exclusive events.

alcohol induced daydreams, the heady hangover that wouldn’t let me sleep or stay fully awake at the same time. Right now listening to “porcelein” by Moby, whose soothing and swaying music takes me to that place, somewhere between waking and sleeping, while just seating in a corner of a slowly darkning room in the dusk,. I am staring in space, empty cream walls that are changing colors like a chamaleon, as the day is vaning. the light is slowly fading out, and the dark curtains over the windows veinly tries to pull more light in by waving themselves, inviting. yet the light is like the ever-mischivious enchantress, the one that smiles and says i will come, tomorrow, when its my time. the lyrics of the song is speaking the unspoken words of the light, “.. so precious, goodbye.”

the surprise is, I clearly see it all, the conversation between them, the longing of the curtains, fear of darkness of the room, the light’s sweet yet firm promice that she will be back. I am clueless, or may be all of this is actually making sense in a weird sort of way.

and suddenly, may be not so suddenly, yet subtly the light is gone and darkness is here. the darkness is not just mere absense of light. its an identity itself, the one that is smug, every steady, static. he is the peace, the mysterious comfort. why everyone is scared of him, is because one can rarely understand him, his wide pride, his deep smug chill, and his uncanny ways of living and breathing soundlessly. there is no song, no lyrics, but he does play, in beats. there is a harmony, in tipper tappers of small insects that are part of his orchestra. he plays, no, he makes all of them play. he is the silent master that gathers all under one roof and plays in rhythum.

the revelations like these are so stimulating, so overwhelming that it gives me goosebumps. the cold sweat, the shiver of electricity down my spine is the proof of it. now i am aware of his presense, and absense of her. its comforting. in a all so knowing way.

i close my eyes, or may be i have actually opened them instead, i am not sure which one has happened, but one thing is for sure, the scenario is changed. i am no longer in the darkroom, the wind is blowing hard, over my face, and all i can see around for miles is water. waves and more waves of al sizes and shapes. the river it self says, i am natural, i need no discipline, you will have to follow my rules else you’ll get hurt. i am standing on a bridge amidst friends, i can see foggy outline of them while they are with me. in all of them, there are two of them i am more connected to then others. they seem, they feel, closer. him and her, parts of a twisted circle that depicts a yin and yang, they seem like the smal broken parts that half creates circle, and the remaining missing pieces are yet to find.

I am just standing there, the wind is getting stronger and its getting more and more uncomfortable to stand there without holding onto the railing, but i am proud, knowing my strength and ignoring my weaknesses in a egoistic sort of way. i am standing, together with them, but all alone. keeping my stand. which makes me feel the ‘i’ in me. the I that is changing the shape every fraction of a second, yet the palpable energy and strength that I contain, is there, will remain there forever. knowledge that comes along this, is such treasure, that i am glad i have been able to see through this all.

but there is an abrupt stop to it all, there are some screams, shouts and a thud. what do i see around?, actually just fog, and hazy images. but rather then seeing, i am sensing, someone has fallen. i look around for him and her. the one that first comes to my mind, the ones that i want to protect more than the others. am i biased?, yes i am. i want to save them all, but those two are the first ones i wil think of. his hazy figure is almost at the other end of bridge, seemingly unknowing the accident of fall. soundly satisfied, i look for her. and she is nowhere in sight. my heartbeats have raised its tempo, thinking that faster blood flow will heat up the energy, making it ready to be used in case.

and to giving my doubts the real touch, its she who has fell. she is there, down there in water, i can’t see her clearly, but i can hear her, like she is whispering in my ears, from that far below, she says it over and over again, that “i’m sinking”, its a bit scary, and i am thinking about ways to save her. i think about the facts, the practicality in me is working at its best,calculating facts. two major facts that are at the top of the list are these, fact no. 1 , i know she can swim. fact no 2. i know i can’t.

I am still looking down, wanting to save her, the only question that i am searching the answer for is, “how”. i hear other around me, the sound are registered along with the search for the answers. someone is shouting to her, ” leave the jacket you’re holding, swim, there is a boat in north direction” I look for the boat, i am not able to see that as well. the fog is too solid now. but another fact i know now why she is not able to swim, her fear has gripped her. Or may be its she who has gripped the fear, the jacket. and doesnt want to let go and belive that she can swim.

things are getting clearer in my mind, as the fog is getting thicker. now i know i can protect her, help her. but its now about my courage, my weakness. my mind shouts at me, “you can’t swim”. i defend back “, but she can. all i need to do now is to make her believe she can. ”

but i need to go closer to her in order to make her understand this. make her belive it. am i capapble of doing that, i am not so sure. but its about time i take that risk. i need to hold her hand, i need to talk to her. and so i jump down.

fog is replaced by chilled water, and i have fell somewhere near to her. i fight the water’s sadist urge to drown me in as i search for her arond and my finger touches hers. i can hear her much much clearer. and all the other sounds are from far far away. i have a small part of me that regrets, “you’re stupid.”

i pull her closer, or she pull me close. whatever way, now i have her hand in mine and she is hearing me, a bit surprised and a lot afraid, why i am there with her. i tell her, we are not sinking. i dont believe in the boat, but i want to belive in it so i tell her, there is a boat up north, lets go there.

she refuses, she refuses out of fear, she doesn’t belive me. its not about me, her fear has won over, and realisation hasn’t yet kicked in. i am breathless, on verge of loosing my life. and suddenly it comes to me, the answer. one of the answers i have been searching all my life, and have found it, seemingly at the end of it.

… there is none more strong and brave as… a mother. the woman may be weak, insecure, not certain of anything, but a mother is proud and strong. a mother always have a solution to all childs problems.

i was there in water to save her, but i had relised, it was i who needed to be saved. and the realisation of it, shakes me. i tell her the same, i call her my mother, i know she is, i know she can save me. right now in that situation, its only her who can.

i tell her, i am afraid and i dont know how to swim. and i want her to hug me. i want her to hold me close, if this is the way the death has to reach me, reach us, then i want to die in her embrace, afraid yet in peace. she hears me, she hears so many things i had not even said, and she leaves the jacket, ang wraps her arm around me.

the transformation had begun, she has left gripping the fear, she is ready to fight it, cause more than her life, she wants to save her child’s life. i tell her, please don’t leave me. she tells me, donn’t worry, i am here.

and she swims, with double burden, in that foggy night, to the shore. the shore that is far away, but she knows its there. the boat is a chance she wouldn’t take. its her child’s life at stake. she swims, better than anyone in the world. and takes both of us to the shore. back to the life.

at the bank of river, lieing breathless, we look at each other, she with a pride at her strength to be able to save her child, and me with a life changing realisation.

that none need to be a man in order to be strong and to protect. a mother is the most powerful of all protectors. the identity crisis i had, for the existent male strength and female emotions, i came to realise, that it was labelled by society, that males are stronger, and females are emotional. i was stuck into gender construction of society even while i was trying to break through. i was fighting to prove my self to be a male, a label by society, while in real there are only two dynamics that existed. mother and a child. and that even genderless.

on the bank of the river, i sat up watching the sky in horizon with evident tears in my eyes, tears of hapiness, tears of revelation, of truth that i have found. the sky again turned into creamy walls as camaleon, and i was back to darkness.

but the truth was still with me, it wasn’t my twsited dream reality, and i knew i would always be thankful to her for the rest of my life, for that.

At twilight, how can you differentiate between dream and reality?

Both are surreal, lucid yet alive.

Crack of dawn after those hours of darkness was just like that. Like twilight, like the moments between waking and sleeping.

World seemed motionless, the only activity was inside my psyche, twisting and churning of wishes, wants and needs.

–

That night, I needed intoxication. Any kind. To either forget all my nightmares, or to remember just the things that mattered. That ache inside was gradually building as the night passed. And I was not to have any. Life can be such a bitch.

Someone was there, watching it all, wordlessly at first. For the first time may be I was so engrossed in my own melancholy, I didn’t detect him observing.

The fusion music playing in the room felt like it was playing from far-off place. It felt like I was on an island, that kept me away from others, and on it I was the only human being. I could only hear my own thoughts breathing; all the other sounds were filtered to be much fainter than usual. My island was my barrier, from outer world.

And then suddenly I felt his touch. Over my head. Slight fleeting contact. It was just a small pat, or a little gentle squeeze thorough my hair. For an instant I was stunned. Astonished, how come his touch was so familiar although we were actually together for the first time! It was a strange feeling of déjà vu. Or so I felt.

Out of the blue I realized, again I was not alone on my own island.

–

Earlier that evening, I had seen him for the first time. Not that we had not met before, not that I had not heard about him from my friends, but my interaction with him was close to none. To discuss a crazy idea for a short film, we had invited him over, and we had a long talk. All of us did. It was nothing atypical, like commonly meeting someone and chatting.

Although, I was constructing perceptions as I was watching him talk, oddly my opinions were changing every few minutes, as if he was changing every now and then.

After a long talk, late night people went to their respective homes. The island of mine, which was full of visitors, felt like it was barren again. He was still there. Not on my island though. He was somewhere outside, along with others and those faint sounds of melodies.

–

His touch, made me feel I wasn’t by myself. Someone was around. Then for the first time I saw him as he was. To my fortunate, it was darkness, and still I could see him clearly. He was slightly intoxicated, at ease, enjoying the music, pacing up and down the length of the room, with a trivial smile on his face.

I saw him move all about the room. I could only sense something more, a sort of restlessness, which was there along with the smile. I couldn’t figure out why.

He came and sat in front of another friend, the one we call ‘chief’ for apparent reasons. Chief is the owner of this blissful place. The house that contained this space in which we were. The room which is like a sacred place for all of us individually in a similar yet so different manner.

So he sat, and talked to chief, about how he really admired this place. He remembered his old times, and told chief about those. I was there, listening in, an intensely quiet spectator. But not for long. Listening to all what he was saying was like listening to someone who is taking cues from my mind and saying it out loud.

I had to speak, I had to make it known that I also felt the same. And I said it in some few words, “ bas yahan se… wahan tak..”

And that was adequate. He understood exactly what I was saying. He knew precisely what I was referring to. And the connection had already begun.

–

Few more hours down the line, the dawn had cracked in. I was drawn to him, to speak to interact. He was talking, non stop, like he wouldn’t stop for even a breath. He would talk about how I don’t make eye contact with strange people, and analyzed how I was so emotional that I didn’t want my self to be vulnerable to others. Was he discovering me, or was he unveiling him self?

I was listening, speaking, yet by now I had stopped thinking. I was just there, being my self, in the moment, conversing whatever that was coming to my intellect at the instant. And after that chatter period, we were both silent, exhausted, with realizations. Thoughts that were old, known to both, but getting revived again that time.

The silence was both the recognition of the realizations and also the peace that came piously. It was a long time since I had experienced peace at that place. The morning sounds of outer world was breaking in. still we were alone, together. In the bliss.

He said something after a long long silence, looking at the opposite wall. Looking at the window that created a pretty frame. All the other walls were full of different paintings, master pieces in them selves. But he was interested in none other than that frame. The window, the mornings blue tinge of the background, in the foreground the plants over its sill and a sculpture that created a frame of a mysterious painting. Astonishingly so, I had fallen for his observation already. As I saw what he was seeing, I saw something else too.

I said it out loud as I saw it, “It’s the only painting in this house, which changes it colors with time.”

And as he turned and looked at me, I felt something, something so unexplainable, yet soothing. Something I saw in his eyes, something that said, “Yes, that is it. That’s what I was searching for, in my own words.”

It was like we complemented each other, completed each other in those brief seconds.

It was like an orgasm. Devoid of any bodily contact.
It was a mind fuck. An immense one at an evaluation.

I remembered his words as he had said he wanted to kiss me, and then negated his thoughts the next moments as he thought that would break the spell.

I smiled mostly afterwards, I was drained completely. Like a marathon runner who has lost all his energy after reaching the finish line.
Someone had come crashing his ship over my island, and now, he was there, watching every change, every flicker of an eye lash, every slight smile… every thing.

–

We talked, and more. We laughed, and more. We shared, and more. Yet once out of that blissful place as we went for a walk, things were different, normal, and worldly. The connection was still there, may be not as strong, and may be not as enchanting. Or so I felt.

But it was like a beginning of a new journey. The voyage where destination doesn’t matter as ride itself is so rewarding.

I remember, earlier that night, I was sitting on the sofa, watching him stand at the French window exactly opposite me. So far away, yet so close. I knew I wanted to freeze this moment in time and memorize it forever. Consequently I did. A photograph, which would remind me of that night over and over again.

And, THAT, is the painting that would never change its color.

[Before reading this one.. better read the earlier chapters in this fiction. Chapter 1 , Chapter 2 and Chapter 3... thanks.]

***

I was amazed at how I could hear the loud beating rock music from the club, pouring outside from corners of doors, and along with that I could still hear his heartbeats and restrained breathes from underneath me.

I could see he was getting a bit uncomfortable, probably wondering what was I thinking, What devilish plans I had in my mind after I had him in hand cuffs!

He was absolutely right, I had a devilish plan in my head. That I was going to make real. I moved closer onto him, looking into his eyes, he smiled nervously, not able to look away from my intense gaze.

After pretty long few seconds, I spoke first, ” .. are you scared? ”

“kind of…” his reply was more like an effect of exhaling a deep breath then spoken words.

It was me who smiled broad next, ” Good. Now, we’re going to play a little game.”

He looked at me, with a single slightly raised eyebrow, as if asking in silence, are we not in a game already?

I ignored his subtle signs, and continued, ” The game is like this, I have three questions for you. out of them, if you get just two answers right, you win the game. and If you win the game, you get one wish that you could ask me for. But…”

I stopped speaking, preparing him for the condition I was going to put him in just after giving him a hope of ‘wishing’. He waited intently, much nervous yet concentrated on my every word.

“.. but if you lose. I’ll punish you. Discipline you. Physically. ”

He replied in a bated breath, ” Okay. I’m ready.”

“here goes…” I got a bit more comfortable, lying besides him. I was glad for the big car I had, which had pretty big space in back seat to have us both lying there without feeling like being stuffed in a box.

“First Question… What’s my name?”, I asked, Looking at him.

He looked back at me, with a surprise. Darn. He was probably thinking that this wasn’t the kind of question I would expect him to reply correctly.

I knew I had him at this one. I had suddenly made him realize that he didn’t even know my name. And there he was, totally helpless, handcuffed inside a big strange car. And he had no where else to go.

He had closed his eyes and he moved his head from one side to another, indicating he didn’t know that answer.

I continued, ” Unfair, I know. okay, I’m Aditi. Lets move on to second question… Whats my age?”

He opened his eyes this time. It seemed like a pretty simple question this time. He could guess it. he looked at me, trying to figure how old exactly I was.

I smiled, more naughty then devilish, “Come on. make a guess.”

He smiled a bit, saying, ” ermm.. 23?”

“Bingo. One right, One wrong. So this last question decides who wins.”

He nodded slight. looking up at the car ceiling with slight smile. Presuming half heartedly that I was anyways gonna ask a totally strange question like first one, and win this game.

I went ahead, “Okay then. Tell me, what animal pulls Santa Clause’s sleigh?”

Silence for a while, from him. Trying to judge what was my motive behind this silly question. And then he suddenly remembered something I had said sometime back. About the word I had asked him to use to make me stop.

After pretty long silence, he smiled relaxed. he had realized I had given him more than enough fair chance to win this one, but it would also mean the whole thing would end entirely.

Looking straight at me he said, ” You’re one hell of a tease Aditi.”

I replied with a devilish laughter this time, ” You’ve not seen anything yet my dear. Go ahead. answer me.”

He pretended to think hard, as if he didn’t know the answer before saying.

“ahem… Zebra… is it?”

Being the smart ass as he was, I knew this meant that he wanted me to win. He desired what pain and pleasures I could possibly offer him.

Desire.